Some people always seem to see the glass as half full, while others view it as half empty. The quality that helps people bounce back from a negative experience in a positive way is called resilience.

Resilience refers to the ability to manage stress, adversity or trauma. But resilience is more than a sunny disposition. It’s the ability to “bounce back” more quickly and in healthier ways after stressors like relationship problems, losing a job or financial problems.

Some may be born with a temperament that lends itself to managing stress more easily and finding healthy ways to cope with life’s adversity. The good news is that recent research has shown that resilience is a quality that can be learned. It involves how we think and how we behave. And it takes practice. One way to become more resilient is taking charge of how we react to life’s events. Taking charge means viewing our response as something we can control – not something that controls us. It means deciding how we’ll react.

But being resilient doesn’t mean ignoring life’s ups and downs. People with resilience take the time to grieve a loss or major life change in a way that acknowledges emotions and helps develop skills to cope and then move on. When confronted with a similar adverse event later in life, they can then draw on those skills and emotional resources.

Resilience also doesn’t mean pretending stress and pain don’t affect us. Of course they do. Resilience allows us to look past our problems, manage stress and continue to enjoy life. Resilience can help us recover from a shock or loss in a healthy way. It can help us live with chronic pain, a medical condition or a mental illness. A resilient person can meet life’s challenges with increased confidence, and even be a helpful support for others during stressful times.

Characteristics of a resilient person

A resilient person is typically able to resist stress and weather the storm during hard times. A resilient person probably has:  

  • Techniques for managing their feelings and impulses
  • Good communication skills
  • Good problem-solving skills
  • A sense of confidence in his or her own abilities
  • The ability to use coping skills gained from prior life experiences to deal with present day experiences
  • A network of supportive people

Ways to develop resilience

  • Make health a priority. When you eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep, you’re better prepared to meet life’s challenges.
  • Lean on others. Get support from family and friends in both good and bad times. Socializing with others is important. Some people find that a faith community, volunteer group or other organized group can be helpful for building a support network.
  • Look to the future. Keep the current setback in perspective as you look at the long-term picture. Set goals and work to meet them to help gain a sense of accomplishment. Be proactive about anticipated changes. Make a plan to get through them, focusing on the things that you have the power to control.
  • Learn from mistakes and successes. Think about how you’ve handled adversity in the past and learn from what worked and what didn’t. What triggers negative emotions for you? Can coping skills help before problems feel overwhelming?
  • It’s okay to feel emotions. Resilience isn’t about bottling up emotions or denying painful feelings. It’s okay to take some time to grieve losses and you shouldn’t feel guilty for having emotions. Acknowledging these feelings is a healthy way to process life’s events.
  • Accept change. Change is part of life. When things feel out of control, focus on making realistic changes. This also includes significant people, such as friends and family – who can offer help as you make changes.
  • Learn to trust. Develop confidence solving problems and making positive changes in your life.  

Overcoming significant stresses and adversity isn’t easy. Licensed counselors or employee assistance programs are available to offer tips to build a resilient mindset. And remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

 

Sources:

Helpguide.org. How to cope with traumatic events. Feb. 5, 2024.

Mayo Clinic. Resilience: Build Skills To Endure Hardship.  Dec. 23, 2023.

American Psychological Association (APA). Resilience. Accessed May 14, 2024.